What are judicial candidates scared of on this Halloween?

Although it is technically still mid-Autumn, Mother Nature has gotten in the spirit of Halloween this year, dressing up as a snowy Winter morning.

On All Hallow's Eve the boundary between this world and the next seems more permeable than usual. Maybe there aren't any ghosts or goblins to worry about, really, but, at this time of year, things that go bump in the night sound much more ominous.

Scary movies and TV shows are everywhere in the theaters, and on our home screens. There's something frightening to raise the hairs on the back of everyone's neck -- bats, zombies, vampires, killer clowns, the Chicago Bears offense -- but what are Cook County judicial candidates most afraid of on this fearful day? I think the following list provides a representative summary:

The Weather. It's not just the snow today. It's been cold and/or wet -- and, generally, cold and wet -- every weekend for seemingly forever. For judicial candidates trying to qualify for the March primary ballot, the weather has been a left hook right across the jaw. It's hard enough to collect petition signatures; the thought of trying to do so in the rain and cold is truly terrifying.

Signature Requirements. What makes collecting signatures even worse is that, this year, so many are required. The ISBE estimates that Supreme Court and Appellate Court candidates in Cook County will have to have 5,050 valid signatures in order to qualify for the Democratic Primary ballot. Countywide Circuit Court candidates will have to have at least 3,322. The 1,000 signatures necessary to run as a Democrat (or Republican) in the Cook County Subcircuits looks "easy" only by comparison.

So many signatures are required in countywide races because there was a strong turnout in the 2018 General Election. We all say we want people to get out and vote -- but Cook County judicial candidates may be experiencing the signature requirements this year as a right uppercut.

Looming Petition Challenges. There are always petition challenges in local races. Barack Obama's political career was launched with the strategic use of petition challenges. But there haven't always been so many petition challenges in Cook County judicial races.

There were two reasons why this was so. First, judicial candidates ought to know the law -- or at least know enough to find someone to explain it to them -- so they would be, or at least should be, more likely than candidates for other offices to file petitions that were compliant with the deliberately byzantine provisions of the Illinois Election Code.

Second, although they were generally knowledgeable in the law, judicial candidates were often political naifs. Sure, some had rubbed elbows with political types, bought ads, attended dinners and golf outings, maybe even hung around the Ward office on Saturday mornings offering legal advice to supplicants in hopes of ingratiating themselves with the powers-that-were. But even those who worked a precinct weren't really insiders. And many had done none of these things, or very few. So they didn't necessarily know enough to go tooth, fang, and claw against their opponents' petitions. Some may have lacked that killer instinct (which, by the way, is a good thing for a judicial candidate to lack -- in my opinion, anyway). Many may have just figured their fellow candidates must have done it right, too.

While I hope the first reason is still valid, the second one has faded. Not that Cook County judicial candidates these days are all seasoned political pros -- far from it -- but many candidates now have experienced consultants at their elbows. The consultants know how to find the soft underbelly of an opponent's petitions, if there is one, and they also know that, even if there isn't anything fatally defective with an opponent's petitions, a vigorous challenge will nevertheless siphon attention, time, and money away from the pursuit of actual votes. For the hopes and dreams of several judicial candidates in this election cycle, petition challenges will be the knockout blow.

Slated candidates never had to worry about petition challenges. Years ago, they didn't have to bring in a single sheet; all was done by many for the chosen few. But the many are fewer and fewer these days, and sometimes at odds. It may not happen this year, but it sure seems likely that, one of these days, a challenge will succeed against a slated candidate.

In horror movies, it's so often the character that seems safest, and most smug in his or her apparent safety, that gets set upon, without warning, from the shadows. So even slated candidates must fear, or begin to fear, petition challenges.

Ongoing Corruption Investigations. If a slated candidate is brought down by petition challenges in this election cycle, this will be a big reason.

But the fact that several political professionals are too busy, or may soon become too busy, working with criminal defense counsel to worry about passing petitions this year is only one of the ways in which the several ongoing corruption investigations will impact Cook County judicial races. A hidden wire is this year's most-feared fashion accessory. And will that donation to this alderman or that committeeman really help your judicial campaign -- or are you contributing to a future defense fund? Some judicial candidates have no doubt been woken up at night by scary thoughts like these. And, whether they're sleeping soundly or not, some Cook County judicial candidates will find that their political patrons will be too distracted this year to provide meaningful help in getting elected.

I have one anonymous commenter who keeps trying to assert that one particular judicial candidate is under active Federal investigation. It's possible, of course. The recent indictment and conviction of a sitting Circuit Court judge showed that.

But I doubt that many, if any, sitting judges or judicial candidates are in the government's crosshairs. Greylord is still a vivid, well-remembered cautionary tale, even for those who might otherwise have a little larceny in their hearts. Right? Still, some may be on tape. Remember I said that many judicial candidates are naifs?

It's a horror movie cliche: The phone rings and the dumb sap looks at it for a long take, deciding whether to pick up the receiver. Audience members are thinking -- and maybe a few are shouting -- don't take the call! Don't take the call! But then the poor, doomed goof lifts the handset....

Don't talk on the phone. And, if you do, assume there's a court reporter on the other end.

Remember, being friendless and alone in the political world may make it hard to get elected -- but having no political friends means never having to say "I'm sorry" to a Federal judge at sentencing.

Every Other Race on the Ballot. I know the State's Attorney's race is getting all the publicity. I get press releases every day on this one, from multiple candidates, and I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaay down on the media food chain.

The crowded Supreme Court race seems quiet now, but it will command its share of attention, and soon enough.

But the more attention other races get, the less attention is available for Circuit Court candidates trying to get their campaigns to the winners' circle. So every other race on the ballot is scary for Cook County judicial candidates.

The one race that isn't commanding a lot of publicity at the moment -- and the one most likely to divert the attention of political professionals who are not otherwise distracted by threats to their liberty and livelihood, and who might have actually helped struggling judicial candidates find and secure votes -- is the race for the Clerk of the Circuit Court.

There are a lot of jobs in that office.

Now, of course, you say that patronage is dead and gone. Illegal. Obsolete.

Of course, I say.

But I suspect that this race in particular will prove a distraction for those who might otherwise be of assistance to judicial candidates. And, if I were a judicial candidate, I'd be afraid of the attention the Clerk's race will take from mine.

And finally.... In the classic A Charlie Brown Christmas amateur psychiatrist Lucy Van Pelt tries to help Charlie Brown find a name for his fears.

Lucy: Are you afraid of responsibility? If you are, then you have hypengyophobia.
Charlie Brown: I don't think that's quite it.
Lucy: How about cats? If you're afraid of cats, you have ailurophasia.
Charlie Brown: Well, sort of, but I'm not sure.
Lucy: Are you afraid of staircases? If you are, then you have climacaphobia. Maybe you have thalassophobia. This is fear of the ocean, or gephyrobia, which is the fear of crossing bridges. Or maybe you have pantophobia. Do you think you have pantophobia?
Charlie Brown: What's pantophobia?
Lucy: The fear of everything.
Charlie Brown: THAT'S IT!

And that, gentle readers, may also be said of many, if not most, of our judicial candidates.

If you happen across any of them, especially on this harrowing holiday, be nice; they're highly stressed.