IRS phone scammer trolling for victims

We've gotten this call twice now at home in the past week or so. The message is delivered by a woman with no discernible accent:

Final notice from IRS, Internal Revenue Services.

The reason of this call is to inform you that IRS is filing lawsuit against you. To get more information about this case file, please call immediately on our department number (360) 663-4445. I repeat, (360) 663-4445.* Thank you.

I laughed it off the first time I heard it. The reason of this call? IRS is filing lawsuit against you? Even without an accent, I could not help but visualize Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle when I played the message back. But my wife got to the answering machine first the second time the call came in and she was not initially inclined to laugh off the grammar.

"It's a scam," I said, attempting to reassure her.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

Yes, I'm sure, and the IRS is also sure. I spoke this morning with Joe Muñoz in the Chicago office of IRS media relations, and he directed me to this statement from IRS Commissioner John Koskinen: "If someone calls unexpectedly claiming to be from the IRS with aggressive threats if you don't pay immediately, it's a scam artist calling. The first IRS contact with taxpayers is usually through the mail. Taxpayers have rights, and this is not how we do business."

The IRS says it will never do any of the following:

• Call to demand immediate payment, nor will the agency call about taxes owed without first having mailed you a bill.
• Demand that you pay taxes without giving you the opportunity to question or appeal the amount they say you owe.
• Require you to use a specific payment method for your taxes, such as a prepaid debit card.
• Ask for credit or debit card numbers over the phone.
• Threaten to bring in local police or other law-enforcement groups to have you arrested for not paying.

If someone calls and says they are from the IRS and yet does one or more of these things, it's a scam. The IRS asks that anyone getting such a call should contact the U.S. Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration toll-free at (800) 366-4484. There's even an online form that persons contacted by a scammer can complete. The IRS also recommends that persons receiving calls of this kind also make a report to the FTC.

Granted, regular FWIW readers are among the least likely persons to fall victims to this sort of scam -- but many of us have elderly relatives or clients who may be more vulnerable. For their sake, be aware.

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* For what it's worth, Area Code 360 is the area code for western Washington State outside Seattle. Sounds like someone doesn't quite know the difference between Washington State and Washington, D.C. But you may be assured that, were you gullible enough to return that call, someone on the other end would be savvy enough to try and coax credit card or bank account information from you.

Just another delay on the CTA....

*Ding! Ding!*
We are experiencing a delay
and we regret the inconvenience.
We expect to be moving shortly.

Well, I expect to be moving right now. That's why I take the train and not the Kennedy. That, and parking every day would bankrupt me inside of a month. Even with a discount.

Time passes.

*Ding! Ding!*
We are experiencing a delay
and we regret the inconvenience.
We expect to be moving shortly.

A delay? Is that what you call it? If it lasts much longer it will amount to a wildcat strike. Does the CTA know what my desk looks like?

More time passes.

*Ding! Ding!*
We are experiencing a delay
and we regret the inconvenience.
We expect to be moving shortly.

This time, the motorman breaks in to announce that there is a sick passenger on a train ahead and they are waiting for paramedics to arrive. At least there's a reason for all this inactivity. I'm sure I'm not the only one on the car who hopes that it's not too serious for the poor passenger.

I wish they would get Internet service in the subway like they keep promising. I could at least look at my Twitter feed while we wait.

I know, I know. There was a time when I could read a newspaper in the subway. They used to sell newspapers at the train stations once upon a time. And no one ever swiped those. (Occasionally, someone might ask to borrow the sports page if you were through with it....)

*Ding! Ding!*
We are experiencing a delay
and we regret the inconvenience.
We expect to be moving shortly.

At this point, haven't the least perceptive among us noticed that we haven't been moving for some time now? Are the chimes really necessary at this point?

The motorman (motorperson is really too cumbersome, even if this motorman is a woman) chimes in again: Paramedics have arrived and the stricken passenger is being removed. We will be moving again just as soon as the trains in front of us start moving.

That's a relief. We don't want to start moving before the trains in front of us. That could create even more work for the paramedics.

Back to Solitaire. Scoff if you must. The woman sitting next to me is playing Candy Crush.

*Ding! Ding!*
We are experiencing a delay
and we regret the inconvenience.
We expect to be moving shortly.

Moments later, the train starts moving! Predict the same thing often enough, eventually you'll get it right.